Internal Family Systems
No, it’s not about your family
The first question I get asked when I mention Internal Family Systems (IFS) to people is: “Is this about my family?”
No, it’s not about your family. It’s about you and the inner workings of your mind. It’s about you and your parts.
The human mind is divided into a number of subpersonalities or, what we call in IFS, parts. Each part has a unique set of talents and personal characteristics, and their job is to help us run our lives.
As we grow up, we experience painful stimuli from the outside world. This can come in the form of emotional, verbal, physical or sexual trauma. When we experience trauma, a part of ourselves takes on the burden of carrying the pain for us. We call this an attachment injury. Witnessing this injury, our other parts enter a state of high alert, meaning that they become ready to jump in and protect the burdened part if the painful stimuli continues.
Our internal system, i.e. the system by which our minds operates, is incredibly smart. It only allows us to process emotions that we are capable of processing. For example, when our internal system deems us immature or unfit to process pain, it compartmentalizes it. That way, we can carry on with our daily operations until we are ready to process the pain.
However, our mind is usually unable to separate the pain from the body that feels it. Whenever a pain is compartmentalized, the part of us that feels that pain is also compartmentalized. We call these parts Exiles. Because we are unable to process most of the trauma experienced in the in the early stages of our lives, Exiles are usually young parts of ourselves. And because it can take us years to develop enough maturity to deal with that trauma, Exiles are often forgotten. In order to prevent outside stimuli from triggering the pain held by Exiles, our internal systems create Protectors.
There are two kinds of Protectors: Managers and Firefighters. Managers run our day-to-day lives. They protect us by dealing with situations as quickly and effectively as possible before the disturbance gets through to Exiles. Managers are very good at “doing” but can prevent other parts from “feeling”.
Firefighters kick in as a last resort to keep the exiles protected. They act in reactive and extreme ways in order to “extinguish” feelings that could trigger Exiles.
The more trauma we experience, the more our parts take on roles.
This complex security system is very helpful as we are not always equipped to deal with the scenarios in which we are thrown into. However, if left to their own volition, parts will take on extreme roles, i.e. Protectors work hard to protect the system even when there is no actual danger and Exiles retreat into further isolation. Creating a safe environment for our parts is the only way to release them from their extreme roles and restore internal balance.
In order to create a safe internal environment, our parts need to know that someone is in charge of their safety. This leadership role is occupied by the Self. The Self is every individual’s underlying nature. It is curious, confident and compassionate.
As a society, we lack connection with the Self. When a person doesn’t know how to connect with the Self, they have Low Self Energy. In a low Self energy environment, Exiles are burdened by the pain of the trauma they hold and Protectors are burdened by the amount of work they have to do to keep Exiles protected. The only way to unburden our parts of their tiresome roles is to allow more Self Energy into the system.
In an environment with High Self Energy there is active leadership from the Self. When the Self is leading, Exiles feel safe enough to share their pain with the system and become unburdened. This process also frees Protectors from their extreme roles, as they no longer feel like Exiles are in danger.
The goal of IFS is to connect with the Self and allowing it to leads one’s parts into harmony.
